When You Wanna Die but You Got a 9 a.M.

Late night conversations turn to late night drinks
As I crawl on hands and knees
To someone else's arms
And we'll both close our eyes
And pretend that I'm not me
And then I open my eyes and I'm alone in my room again
With screenshots of conversations that we had
When I didn't introduce you as "my friend"

And I will help you look at schools
And I will help you plan your future
The one that doesn't involve me in any sense
But that's your right
And I will help you sleep at night
At the expense of my own body
But every day only feels okay
Until I wake up in the morning

This double twin bed swallows me whole
The jersey sheets become my lifeline
Thank you Carlo, Jason, and Meghan
And anyone else who was around
When I was lying on the bathroom floor
And the sky became the ground
It's not my time, it's not my time
Not quite yet

"Nothing is that bad, not really"
You tell me as I sit alone in bed
And try to make sense
Of the dots on the ceiling
Soon they'll become mountains
And my eyes will put off the climb
That I know that I must make

But not quite yet, I'm not prepared
I need to do my laundry and cut my hair
I need to acknowledge all the things
I can't ignore anymore
Like my cut off shorts and the
Box of nicotine patches
That's always empty and lying on my desk
But not quite yet

These words have so little meaning, anyway
You remind me as I walk back to my place
Through the crowds of everyone that you thought I could be
But that's not me, that's not me, not really

"Nothing is that bad, not really"
You tell me as I sit alone in bed
"Nothing is that bad, not really"
You tell me as I sit alone in bed
"Nothing is that bad, not really"
You tell me as I sit alone in bed
"Nothing is that bad, not really"
You tell me as I sit alone in bed