Act Two - Watching Them Without Her (Dialogue / Live)

Right, Ben. Now, there was a portfolio directly where your derrière is now parked. What have you done with it?
What have I done with what?
Well there's no sign of it now. You must have moved it somewhere
Must've moved what?
My sodding portfolio, Ben. Look, this place is a bloody tip. I want it cleaned by the time your mum gets back, and please - please - locate my portfolio
Uh... what does it look like?
Uhm... it's big and pink...
Pink?
Um, yes. Pink
Okay, okay. Keep your hair on
Oh, very funny...

One missing pink portfolio. Now, when did you la... Dad... What's that smell?
Your dinner - my legendary Toad in the Hole, actually - and I hope you're hungry because... Oh, shit. Shit, shit, shitty shitty bang bang, bollocks...
Need any breathing apparatus in there, Dad?
Oh my God! Ben. Ben!
Very funny
Ha-ha-ha-ha. Oh, your face. 'Oh my God, Dad!' laughs Oh, look, look, em... Dinner has... evolved. We're now having rather well-done bangers served with freshly heated beans, a-la Heinz
Charcoal's really good for detoxing your intestines, apparently
Right, great... cool, cool...

Parents, eh? Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em. Wouldn't exist without them, come to that...
Who wouldn't exist without who?
Never mind...
Right... what's on the jelly-vision tonight?
Mum's late...