A Fine Romance

A Fine Romance my good fellow.
You take romance, I'll take jello.
You' re calmer than the seals in the Arctic Ocean,
At least they flap their fins to express emotion.

A Fine Romance with no quarells,
With no insults and all morals,
I've never mussed the crease in your blue serge pants,
I never get the chance; this is A Fine Romance!

A Fine Romance with no kisses,
A Fine Romance my friends this is,
To lack half the thrills that a healthy crime has,
We don't have half the thrills that the march of time has.

A Fine Romance with no clinches,
A Fine Romance with no flinches,
You're just as hard to land as the Ile de France,
I haven't got a chance.
My heart isn't made of plastic, you're the reason I'm sarcastic; 'cause this is a fine fine romance!