The Crooked Christmas Star

Star of wonder, star of night
Star of royal beauty bright
Westward leading, still proceeding
Guide us with thy perfect light

He brought me a star he carved out of wood
He stole from my own backyard

Uneven, unpolished, repainted, unfinished
Unwrapped and without any card
"Hey, how do you like the star?" he says
We're out having dinner that night
"Terrific," I tell him, "And how is your kid?"
"My kid? Oh, he's doing alright"
"Do you think you'll get married?"
I ask in my worst artificial, rehearsed type of voice
"Eat your chop suey," he orders
"Then answer she waited too late and I don't have a choice"

Star of wonder, star of whim
Royal beauty burning dim

He brought me a star he carved out of wood

To hang on my Xmas tree
Uneven, unpolished, repainted, half-finished
I think it's a portrait of me

We only made it but one time, you know
She wanted to get knocked up
She worked it out with her astrology chart
I let go of my hot coffee cup
And his elbow is scalded
The embroidered heart on his sleeve
Pulls apart at the seam
Astrology chart, astrology chart
I better laugh quick, either that or I'll scream

Star of wonder, star of woe
Ragged beauty burning low

The spirit of Christmas is something like love
It's hope, but it's mainly mirage

And after the season the hope has been lost
With the tinsel you've tossed behind the garage
The empress of China, she laughs when I laugh
We've both played this scene before

"Hey, how is your kid?" I don't have a choice
And once more, and once more, and once more I stare at my fork
The empress would grab it
Then stand up and stab it in his neck
He lies and he cheats and he eats from my plate
And hates himself 'cause he can't pay the check

And still there's that star he stole with his hands
And carved with his heart for the limb
At the top of my tree, it's a portrait of me
Ain't it also a portrait of him?
A saint who's been tainted
Repainted, rejected, a dead resurrected crooked star
He's low and he's high but, hell, so am I

Ain't that why I love him, I love him, I love him, I love him
I love him, I love him, I love him, I love him, I love him, I love him
Love him, I love him, I love him, I love him, I love him, I love him
Love him, I love him, I love him, I love him, I love him, I love him
Love him, I love him, I love him, I love him, I love him, I love him
Love him, I love him, I love him, I love him, I love him, I love him
Love him, I love him