Ctrl (feat. Blackwinterwells)

Years at home
Years at home
Years at home I have nothing to show for
Years at home
Years at home
Years at home I have nothing to show for

You know I can heal in a weekend
I just always think I'm still bleeding and I'm so bored
Numb skin grows over sores
I don't know what I want anymore

You can stay where you are in my head
As a place for the blame when I'm feelin' pathetic
I don't know who the fuck I'd have been
If I could ever forget, I could ever forget it

People give me love, I can feel it but it's hard now
I don't need to fuck, I just need to let my guard down
Stay, it's so safe underground
But it's cold and I'm just getting old, yeah I'm just getting older

I'm the emergency contact
I want the urgency all back
I'm your emergency contact
I want the urge, I want my agency
I'm the emergency contact
I want the urgency all back
I'm your emergency contact
I want the urge, I want my—

Smoking packs on my own
Hope you never call my phone
Hope it hurts being gone
'Cause I hate you now, you know
Acting different, I know
So pathetic, I know
But I'd rather be limping than dead in the snow

Now I can't tolerate any more of you (of you)

I might go and fuck my life up on purpose
Coming down, I don't know if I deserve it
Self preserve 'cause I'm nervous
I kinda miss feeling sick on the surface
Years at home I have nothing to show for
Lose control when the crisis is over
I just ache 'cause it's something I can write about
I just stayed for somebody I could cry about