And on the Day That He Became a Human Plumb-Line

The key to friendship, as all of us know, is common interest
But he is interested in nothing but sleeping and
Eating and hating everything else

The only thing in his life that takes any amount of thought is his job
And he hates that too
It's no recipe for success
(It's no recipe for success)
It's no recipe for success

Brown Eyes is his best friend, well
She is in his mind, but she doesn't seem to see it like that
He's not allowed within one hundred meters of his own best friend
He loves her, so he wants to kill her, no
No, he wants to show her

And his only other joy is newspapers and TV
And his collection of overpriced fashionable goods
It's a sorry state of affairs when your best conversations are with yourself
A sorry, sorry state of affairs

Once he invited his friends or "Work associates"
As they should rightfully be referred to
Out together for a social drink
Of course, they obliged, but not without hesitation
The subject likes a drink or ten
There it is, the answer, his real best friend

They all left within 15 minutes of his barroom antics
Not pleasant, no, not pleasant
Another night alone, eh, not long left now
He's winding down, it's over, it feels over
He can't take this for much longer

There is nothing left for him in this world
There is nothing left for him in this world
Take a deep breath and try to think
Of all the things that made you smile!