How Was I To Know

Please, won't someone take me home
Please, I've had too much

I only came here for a pint
And now I'm starting on my ninth
That wouldn't be so bad, but she just turned up
The one I've worshipped from afar

How was I to know she'd walk in with her mates?
How was I to know that she would look so great?
How was I to know I'd figure now's the time?
How was I to know... I'd try and make her mine?

Please, won't someone stop me now
Please, I've had too much

I only want to ask her out
But the words just won't come out
She's looking at me like she's trodden in me
And all her mates are laughing too

How was I to know she'd think I was a fool?
How was I to know that she'd sneer and call me a tool?
How was I to know I'd end up such a mess?
How was I to know... I'd be sick on her dress?

How was I to know her girlfriend would arrive?
How was I to know that she was six-feet, five?
How was I to know she'd think I'd got a chick?
How was I to know I'd end up losing teeth?